You’re not supposed to dwell in the past, they say. Who wants to remember bad movies anyways? But, thus is tradition so we have to talk about the worst cinematic offerings of 2015 – and there were plenty. A lot of bad movies won’t make this list, simply because there were 10 more that were absolutely worst.
Before we get to the lowest of the low, a few “special” mentions:
The Biggest Disappointment of the Year: Ridley Scott’s The Martian. This movie is certainly not one of the worst movies of the year but a massive letdown. It may even be nominated for Best Picture but all I saw was an elaborate game of wait-and-see, which never felt like anything substantial that paid off in the grand way it thought it did. It’s Oscar-bound but I remain disappointed by it.
So Bad, It’s Funny: I laughed more at Fifty Shades of Grey and The Boy Next Door than I did most comedies this year. Both films are so inept and dizzyingly stupid it was funny. It’s never good when it’s not the movie’s intention.
Alright, let’s rip the Band-Aid and get through this together. The worst film of 2015 is…
Mortdecai: Since January, I have invested so much hate and anger in this film. It’s painfully unfunny and Johnny Depp’s performance was beyond cringe-inducing. I’m still mad I even saw this film. Netflix’s The Ridiculous 6 is right next to it but Mortdecai has been hard to shake since the beginning of the year, so it is crowned the worst.
The rest of the bad, in alphabetical order, with brief comments. These movies aren’t worth investing more time in:
Blackhat: Thor is a computer hacker. Cool.
The Cobbler: Yesterday I named director Tom McCarthy’s Spotlight the best film of the year. Today, I named his The Cobbler one of the worst. Icky and racist throughout.
The D-Train: Jack Black becomes obsessed with bringing the popular guy from high school to the class reunion. Oh, and listening to him speak is like nails down a chalkboard.
Fantastic 4: Ugly and dour, Fantastic 4 was a waste of a fine young cast.
Hitman: Agent 47: A barrage of numbing and ugly special effects. Somebody kill the Hitman.
Hot Pursuit: Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara embarrass themselves in this howling unfunny should-be comedy.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2: Someone took the cleverness of the first and held its head underwater in the hot tub and let it all drown.
Love the Coopers: Bah, humbug.
Unfinished Business: I already forgot what this Vince Vaughn comedy was about. I just remember it was really bad.
Alright, enough about these garbage films. Onto a better 2016 at the movies. Thanks for reminiscing with me.